by Dennis Bradford
in moral well-being
After mentioning the proper mindset for attracting women (or men), I provide some specific tips on doing so efficiently.
The key to selling yourself to others the right way is to appeal to what they want while giving them what benefits them.
Character counts most. Even if you could trick someone into liking you or becoming attracted to you, the encounter would not thrive for long unless you have developed a good character.
So the best method for attracting women for a mutually beneficial encounter is adopting an attitude of giving rather than gaining.
If you have not done the hard work of ego attrition using a practice such as zazen meditation, then you will inevitably approach others from an egocentric or selfish point of view. Your tendency will be to use others to gain whatever you desire.
How do you like it when others try to use you for their own purposes? Well, women are the same way. If that’s your method for attracting women, sooner or later, even if you attract a woman initially, your encounter will crash.
By way of contrast, the harder you have worked on yourself to diminish egocentricity, the more you will be able to approach others from a giving, rather than a gaining, mindset.
How do you like it when others try to benefit you? Well, women are the same way. Attracting women by giving them what is best for them works.
Until you have demonstrated that you are able to live happily alone, do not think that you will be able to live happily with another.
Once you are able to do that, you will naturally avoid appearing “needy.” Once you have the confidence from being able to flourish on your own, you will automatically become more attractive to women because you will be happier and more confident. Furthermore, you’ll avoid taking things personally.
The most important tip for attracting women is to make them feel better about themselves. Be kind and warm. Sincerely compliment them on their achievements.
Avoid letting them take you for granted. We all want what we cannot have, and we value more what we have to work for. So be interested and attentive, but not too interested or attentive! For example, if you like a woman, only be available to her when it is convenient for you rather than making yourself constantly available. Though it may feel counter-intuitive, this will help her to become fonder of you. That’s a much better method for attracting women than going with any instincts you have that stem from neediness.
When you are talking with her, give her your undivided, nonjudgmental attention. Regardless of the verbal message, the meta-message should be: you are valuable and worthy of my full attention. In person, deliberately have lots of eye contact. Unless she asks for it, always avoid the temptation to give her advice.
Give her hope by acknowledging that she is appealing to you. (She’ll probably know it anyway.) Similarly, respecting and admiring her will increase how much she likes you.
When you are with her, smile! This indicates acceptance, confidence, and happiness. Nobody will be attracted to you if you are moody, angry, miserable, or pessimistic.
Familiarity breeds fondness. Interact with her frequently. On the other hand, don’t become too familiar too quickly. Letting her come to like you gradually is much more effective than the instant liking of infatuation.
Talk with her about your common interests and enjoyments. Like attracts like.
Always try to interact with her when she is in a good mood. The more you do that, the more she’ll associate you with that mood! If you share her excitement, you will increase how much she is sexually attracted to you.
Always work to ensure that you are in a good mood when you are with her.
Letting her do nice things for you will increase how much she likes you.
Do not take yourself too seriously. Be willing to smile at your own foibles or use self-deprecating humor. This demonstrates confidence, which is very attractive.
Deliberately build rapport with her. Though you should be subtle about it, it can be helpful to match her postures, movements, and rate of speech.
Keep yourself fit and flexible. She’ll be more attracted to a youthful posture and gait than otherwise. You also won’t be successful attracting women if you are not impeccably groomed.
When meeting her, either meet her alone or in the company of another attractive woman. Do not be accompanied either by a man who is more attractive than you or by anyone who is unattractive.
Ask her about her frustrations. Listen intently to whatever she says, and then ask her how she feels about it. Listen intently to whatever she says. When she is finished, say, “I can relate to that” and tell her a story from your life that made you feel that same emotion. The point is not to try to top her story; it’s to establish an emotional connection.
Never argue with her.
Never lose your composure. Always be cool. Try to give her a secure “space” to enable her to develop. Be fully present. You can even say things like “You’re safe” or “It’s alright; I’m right here with you.”
Remember: it is impossible to give her more than you’ll get from her. Magic can happen if you will teach yourself how to get your ego out of the way.
It’s necessary to circulate among women to attract them. If you are a hermit, you will live in solitude, which, incidentally, has its advantages.
So, if you want a quality encounter, it’s much more important to work on reducing your ego than it is to work on your pick up lines.
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